May 14, 2010
Kill the Laundry List, Not the SexIn our culture with its emphasis on couple-hood, marriage, monogamy, finding our one soul mate and/or Mr./Mrs. Right we can easily become fixated on the ideal of who and what this person should be, what he/she is supposed to look like, dress, act, how much money he/she should make, how this person should act, how they should clean, how well read they should be, etc, so on and so forth. The list is endless. When we first meet or hook up with the person we ultimately decide we want to spend the rest of our lives with however, those ideals are often the farthest things from our mind. Initially we are caught up in the whirlwind of romance, passion, and excitement. We are getting to know the person, learning about them and in the process often learning about ourselves and sometimes even re-inventing ourselves to be a better us and/or to fit our mate. We relish at our commonalities and smile at the way our newfound partner makes us feel. We get butterflies and are excited to spend all of our time with this person.
At some point however, generally within the first year and a half, we start to discover things about our partners that we don’t necessarily like. These things may or may not be deal-breakers. And, how we express ourselves and choose to address these issues can be detrimental to the next phase of the relationship. What happens too often however is that we start to nit-pick, nag, criticize, and even worse insult or humiliate our partner because they do not meet up to some standard we have in our head. If our partner still decides to stay in the relationship these can lead to anger, resentment, which are ultimately sex and relationship killers. No one wants this for their relationship, but inevitably it happens all to often. The good thing is that it is totally avoidable.
One of the most important things in a successful relationship is acceptance. Our goal should be to always try to accept our partner as much as we can for who they already are, who they were when they came into the relationship and with the baggage they come with. Some compromise of course is okay, expected and part of being in a working relationship. We do need to meet our partners half way. But we need to limit the changes we expect our partner to make. Essentially we need to pick our battles.
The other important thing to remember is that using positive and affirmative words and language will always yield better results over nagging, nitpicking and/or criticizing. Focus on the positive things your partner brings to the relationship and to your life. And, your partner will melt like butter in your hands.
Sometimes, understandably, problems or issues that we have with our partners are too big or too glaring for us to let go. Focusing on the positive just won’t do. These are what I call deal-breakers. A deal breaker is a behavior, which absolutely must change in order for you to feel that the relationship will work for you. In these situations you can and definitely should express your concerns, and your feelings to your partner (of course using as much positive and affirmative language as possible, and focusing on your feelings as opposed to pointing the finger at your partners behaviors), and then let the cards fall where they may. Your partner may indicate that he/she wants to change, but whether or not they really do is up to them ultimately. People will do what they do, and holding them to their word can be like pulling teeth, often causing more anger and resentment from the nagging and nitpicking you’ll be doing. If your partner has a difficult time accommodating your desire and need that which you believe to be a deal breaker you need to really rethink, “Can I live with this?” If you cannot then it is a deal breaker.
I also recommend not having too long a list of deal breakers. If you have more than two this should be a sign for you to really take a look at yourself, what your needs are, how important this relationship is to you, how important it is to have this person in your life, and do you really love/accept this person for who they are? Too long of a laundry list is heavy, and weighted and will add nothing more but burden and stress to your relationship, undermines your partners worth, may also be a strong indicator of unrealistic expectations, and may ultimately destroy any desire, passion, romance and sex left in the relationship.
Posted at 02:17 PM | Permalink
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
I appreciate many things about Anjanette Astoria’s “Cougar on the Prowl.” For one thing, the title suggests Ms. Astoria will stop at nothing to get her needs met, and it’s true.
She sexually harasses her butler, Sean Michaels (the way he was dressed, at first I thought this would be the first Nation of Islam porn to hit the market), she verbally abuses an employee, and at no point does she approach her sexual endeavors, be they with a baseball bat or with Amber Chase, with anything but determined malice.
Starring: Anjanette Astoria, Kira Silver, Sean Michaels, Kaydence Skye, Amber Chase
One would get the mistaken impression from this video that Astoria is a bitch in real life.
But who would buy a movie called “Docile Cougars”?
“Cougar on the Prowl” is a great example of how you don’t need a big studio to make a good movie. Astoria, who makes part of her living as a stripper at clubs like City Limits in the Sacramento suburb of Auburn, and her husband produced this film, which stars just as many famous names as unknown ones.
For example, one of my favorite scenes involves just-past-jailbait Kaydence Skye, who plays a character that is dumb as a box of rocks.
As she talks with her soldier boyfriend on the phone, she lazily licks an ice cream cone through her braces.
“You’re still in Iraq, right?” she says. “I wish you could come home, but it’s for a good cause.”
You’re still in Iraq, right?
In a movie that plays with the narrative in a very interesting way, Astoria finds the videpo Skye makes for her boyfriend and masturbates to it (with a baseball bat). Skye, perhaps anticipating the horrors of way, rouges herself with strawberry jelly.
But it just goes to show you that porn performers are artists, first and foremost; actors who are playing roles. Perhaps Skye doesn;t really believe we are in Iraq legitimately, perhaps she would prefer blueberry jelly to smear herself with at home, perhaps Astoria, when in the mood to masturbate with sporting equipment, would choose a jai alai stick if she had her druthers.
Either way, “Cougar on the Prowl” is a fun movie, even if you know that Astoria could have you at Hello.
Buy “Cougar on the Prowl” here
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Roadside stripping with Anjanette Astoria; Live in my Secrets; The Soft and tumescent parts of Ashlynn Brooke and Sadie West: A Military perspective
See also: Notorious Pictures
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
By Rhett PardonTuesday, May 18, 2010 Text size:MARSHALL, Texas — Four of the largest distributors of adult content are receiving court summons this week relative to a patent infringement case over video-indexing processes that use thumbnail images during DVD navigation.
Vivid Entertainment, Penthouse Digital, Adam & Eve and Bang Productions have been named to a suit filed by Houston-based Inmotion Imagery Technologies, a patent holding company that owns two inventions.
Inmotion also named to the suit some of the biggest names in mainstream, as well. Walt Disney Studios, New Line Home Entertainment, Magnolia Pictures, Anchor Bay Entertainment, Warner Bros. and the Weinstein Co. also are named in the complaint filed at U.S. District Court in Marshall, Texas.
The claim of patent infringement could raise the threshold of alarm throughout the adult industry and beyond because DVDs typically use introduction thumbnail video teasers under various categories that could be targeted by patent holder Inmotion.
Inmotion, in the suit, says the adult and mainstream companies haven't made deals to use the technology detailed in U.S. Patent No. 6,526,219. As a result, Inmotion has filed suit against the companies.
The invention, Inmotion says in the patent filing, relates "generally to video recording and, more particularly, to a system for storing and displaying thumbnail images representative of the contents of a video-recording medium, thereby enabling a user to locate a particular section rapidly and conveniently."
The federal court in Marshall is a popular one for patent lawsuits. Adult industry attorneys confide that quick trials and plaintiff-friendly juries are the big draw there. So are the Texas-sized verdicts sometimes handed to winners.
Patent cases are heard faster in Marshall than in many other courts, forcing some defendants to buckle under the pressure of time when trying to sort out complex infringement cases. And while only about five percent make it to trial in Marshall, patent holders win 78 percent of the time, compared with an average of 59 percent nationwide, according to LegalMetric, a company that tracks patent litigation.
A recent suit involving other adult companies also was filed in Marshall. But that suit, involving a dozen adult live-cam website operators, appears to have come apart with a number of companies dropped from the suit.
The infringement suit waged by Joao Control and Monitoring Systems targeted the adult biz's foremost blue-chip brands that have business in the live-cam space.
Included in the suit were Playboy Enterprises, Penthouse Media Group, LFP Internet Group, FriendFinder’s Steamray Inc., Vivid Entertainment, Playboy's ClubJenna unit, Anabolic Video Productions, Evil Angel Productions, New Destiny Internet Group, Shane Enterprises and Private Media Group’s GameLink. Joao later dropped from the suit Anabolic, Shane, New Destiny, LFP, GameLink, Evil Angel, ClubJenna and Vivid.
In the suit waged over video indexing using thumbnails, Inmotion is seeking damages and an injunction against the companies, as well as attorneys fees. U.S. Magistrate Judge Charles Everingham IV has been assigned to the case.
The adult companies named in the suit have not yet responded to XBIZ by post time for comment.
Monday, May 17, 2010
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Friday, May 14, 2010
At any rate, the two-part story of male menopause and sex that Jed describes involves loss, perhaps even impotence, and then climbing the "second mountain" to have a deeper, fuller, richer sex life.
Part 1: Loss and impotence
A while back, a man wrote me at MenWeb, saying:
I've had a problem with impotence for about six years. Never had the money to go get it check out, my insurance will not pay for it. But here's my story. I'm hoping maybe you can help me. Everytime my wife and I are having intercourse I always lose my rigidity(erection)when I'm in her. Why, I have no idea. Kind of makes me mad. I always say to myself and god what's wrong with me? Am I a man or what? Is there anyone you can refer me to or maybe know some other men who have walked in my shoes that might be an inspiration to me...thanks...please help..
There it is: that scary word. Impotence. Jed points out that impotence can be a significant problem for men going through male menopause. Impotence is defined as the persistent inability to attain and maintain an erection adequate to permit satisfactory sexual performance. According to results from the Massachusetts Male Aging Study that studied a large sample of men between the ages of forty and seventy, the combined prevalence of minimal, moderate, and complete impotence was 52 percent.
Although the study found that psychological factors play a role as men age, physical factors are more significant. It found that there was a high correlation between erection dysfunction and heart disease, hypertension, diabetes, as well as with the medications that are often taken to deal with these problems.
Jed's book goes into valuable detail about the medical help, hormonal treatment and holistic approaches available. The book's worth the price just for this. But since the physical, psychological, and sexual aspects are interconnected, most all these symptoms can be prevented and treated by concentrating on the whole man. This Jed does in later chapters.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
|Help: Aphrodisiacs Don’t Work for Me and My Partner!|
By Gabrielle Moore
As I’ve said before, aphrodisiacs are a love them or hate them kind of thing. Unfortunately, most couples are a mix of both!
Take my clients Sam and Cindy for example. Cindy is all for it and even went to great lengths to prepare a 5-course aphrodisiac dinner (do you know how hard that is?!?). Well, Sam appreciated the dinner alright… then went to the living room and turned on the TV!
Sam is completely aphrodisiac-challenged, while Cindi is the hopeless romantic so to say that there’s tension in their relationship is an understatement.
Where Cindi Went Wrong with Her Aphrodisiac Dinner…
I have ALWAYS believed in NOT forcing one’s beliefs on one’s partner. However, this does not mean you cannot help them ‘see the light’ J
What Cindi did wrong here is that she was trying to force romance. There was no ‘primer’ whatsoever. No hints or anything during the day that she wanted to be sexed up that night. So as far as Sam was concerned, it was simply ‘dinner time’. When asked if Sam didn’t get any hints since he was being served a 5-course dinner, he said “Cindi loves to cook. She cooks all the time! I thought she just got it in her head to be elaborate that day.”
Cindi also prepared a meal with aphrodisiacs that SHE believed in and may not necessarily be good for Sam. For instance, when pressed for details, Sam actually said he didn’t like the salad Cindi prepared because he hates arugula (rocket)!
Tips to Help Aphrodisiacs Work for You and Your Lover
To prevent the miscommunication and to ensure YOUR aphrodisiac efforts are a success, check out the tips I have for you below, or else, look at the free report that I give away in my page. Simply go to: http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?af=
Make sure you use aphrodisiacs that you think/know you’re partner will appreciate. Remember that the objective is to ‘increase his/her sexual desire’ for you so you should use aphrodisiacs that will work on him/her, not on you! As such, stop listing things YOU like and think of your lover.
For women, don’t focus on the chocolate, that’s mostly aphrodisiac stuff for you. Remember, men are ‘visual’ creatures so food that looks like genitalia is better! Go oysters. If budget is a concern, go for clams or mussels instead. For veggies, go for carrots (UN-chopped!) and asparagus as they resemble the penis.
Here’s a trick I use: I use only green asparagus because for me, they’re more appealing to look at and more sturdy after being boiled. Then, I dip the tips in butter and arrange them in a tall glass. What a visual treat! The glistening and dripping tops of the asparagus lend themselves to some horny fantasies!
Drop hints during the day. Ok, for people who are not into all this aphrodisiac stuff, you need to aid them here folks. So why not engage in some active foreplay during the day so your lover is more inclined to be in the right mood and frame of mind when you present your aphrodisiac treats? For more tips, go to http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?af=
Compliment aphrodisiac foods and drinks with a romantic setting. Trust me, no type of aphrodisiac will bring about love and naughty thoughts if the washing machines is blaring in the background, if the kids are running and shrieking all around the table and if the dog is barking like the devil himself.
What you need is a relaxing, soothing, and sexy setting. So tidy up the house, dim the lights, put on a Barry White CD and light candles all over the house. Your partner will be in the mood for sex even BEFORE he/she takes a taste of your aphrodisiac treats.
Learn how to drop hints DURING the aphrodisiac meal. For those who have partners that are truly aphrodisiac-challenged, don’t fret; simply drop hints while serving the aphrodisiac food and drinks.
For women, while serving those asparagus tips, start to put one in your mouth and then casually put it in and out as if you’re simply tasting the salted butter and then say ‘mmmm!’. When your partner turns to you, say “Hey, aren’t asparagus said to be aphrodisiacs?”... as if the thought just occurred to you.
For men, hey DO bring out the chocolates! But instead of simply popping them in your mouth, start to lick it. Make really wet, lapping noises. THAT will get her attention in no time!
Aphrodisiacs HELP in increasing sexual desire, they’re not a magical cure you can administer and simply get results. But with the tips above, you’ll get more success each time you use them than not. Good!
To learn more about the most common mistakes in bed and how to solve them, go to: http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?af=
Saturday, May 8, 2010
By David CraryAP National Writerupdated 5:27 a.m. MT, Fri., May 7, 2010
NEW YORK - Americans 45 and older are far more open to sex outside of marriage than they were 10 years ago, but they're engaging in sex less often and with less satisfaction, according to a major new survey.
What's the problem?
Financial stress is a prime culprit, said sociologist Pepper Schwartz, the sex and relationship expert
for the American Association of Retired People, which conducted the study.
"The economy has had an impact on these people," she said. "They're more liberal in their attitudes, yet they're having sex less often. The only thing I see that's changed in a negative direction is financial worries."
The survey, being released Friday, is based on detailed questionnaires completed last year by 1,670 people 45 and over. The AARP, which represents 40 million Americans over 50, conducted similar surveys on sexual attitudes and practices in 1999 and 2004.
One of the most pronounced changes over the 10-year span dealt with sex outside of marriage. In the 1999 survey, 41 percent of the respondents said nonmarital sex was wrong. That figure dropped to 22 percent in the new survey.
Yet sexual activity — marital or not — seems to be less frequent overall for this age group. In the new survey, 28 percent said they had intercourse at least once a week, and 40 percent at least once a month — both categories were down roughly 10 percentage points from 2004.
Asked if they were satisfied with their sex lives, 43 percent in the new survey said yes, down from 51 percent in 2004.
One intriguing finding: Respondents who had a partner but weren't married had sex more frequently and with more satisfaction than respondents who were married.
"These long-term married couples may get a little less interested," Schwartz said. "Older people in nonmarried relations work harder at it and enjoy it more."
Schwartz, a professor at the University of Washington and author of 16 books on relationships, said it was notable how even respondents in their 70s and 80s stressed that sex was important to their quality of life.
"The big difference as people age is not that sex becomes less important but that a partner becomes less accessible," she said.
Gender differences were pronounced in several responses. Men think about sex and engage it more often than women, and are about twice as likely as women (21 percent versus 11 percent) to admit to sexual activity outside their primary relationship.
With many older men likely to have multiple partners, Schwartz expressed concern that only 12 percent of the survey's sexually active single males reported using condoms. She cautioned that even the elderly should not ignore the risk of sexually transmitted disease.
According to the survey, men are more than five times as likely as women to say they think of sex at least once a day, and nearly three times as likely to say they engage in self-stimulation at least once a week.
Dr. Stacy Tessler Lindau, a professor of medicine at the University of Chicago who has studied seniors' relationships, said her research — not connected to the AARP — suggests that men are increasingly more satisfied with their sex lives, compared to women.
One possible reason, she said, was the surge in use of erectile-dysfunction drugs by men. Comparable drugs to enhance older women's sex lives have not yet emerged on a broad scale.
According to the AARP survey, 10 percent of the male respondents took medication to improve sexual functioning, and 23 percent reported being diagnosed for erectile dysfunction
The survey asked respondents what would improve their sexual satisfaction. Twenty percent of the women and 37 percent of the men said better health; 14 percent of the women and 26 percent of the men said better personal finances.
One heartening development, Schwartz said, was that more older singles are venturing onto online dating services.
Epitomizing that trend are Tony Cost, 74, and his wife, Rosemary, 68, of Cherry Hill, N.J., who met in 2007 through the online dating service eHarmony
and married in May 2008.
Tony Cost said he had been a widower for about three years before trying eHarmony.
"It was just a point in my life where I decided I wanted to do more than just sit. I wanted to look for someone to share the rest of my life with," he said.
The couple said they exchanged 55 e-mails before their first face-to-face meeting, a dinner at a restaurant that went on for five hours as they chatted.
"It was like we'd known each other forever," said Rosemary, who'd been divorced about 10 years before trying the online dating.
Speaking of his generation as a whole, Tony Cost said there's more interest among divorced and widowed singles in finding new partners.
"We're living longer, we want to enjoy life," he said. "There are a number of incentives to take that first step and reach out."
The AARP survey was administered in both English and Spanish, and included 630 Hispanic respondents — a bigger share than in the general population in order to provide data for a separate upcoming report.
The Hispanic respondents reported a higher-than-average level of health concerns
, but the survey found, "Hispanics are more sexually active and satisfied than the general population."Copyright 2010 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
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